I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
