This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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