can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
