oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
