I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize