Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
