Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He passed out mid-signature
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I look excited, but its just a facade.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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