She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
