i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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