You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
