i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
