can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
