Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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