No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
