i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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