i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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