i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
