Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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