just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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