I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
