I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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