When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Houston, we have a blender
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
