i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
