That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
