so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
