Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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