I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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