I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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