got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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