suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I am one with the molecules
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize