Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
