He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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