the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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