shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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