Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
