I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
