You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
