Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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