I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
