let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize