Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
