i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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