..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
