I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Randomize
