1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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