A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
