3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
