I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
