I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
