I wish I only lived at night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
