don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
