The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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