so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
