there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
