i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They took my balls.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
