The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize