please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
