It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
