Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize