I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
