If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
