marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
