Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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