wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What drink are we having for lunch?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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