He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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