This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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