I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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