Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
