I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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