He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
