There was a lot of him and a little penis
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
