I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
