I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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