I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
