it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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