I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize