threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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