the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
