So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Randomize