he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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