When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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