He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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