took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
