I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
