The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
