Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
