he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
