i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
