He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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