i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
