So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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